Marriage and the Family Part 2 - Love and Respect

We put up with a lot from each other. We can’t stand each other sometime but we know deep in our bones that we need each other.

This morning I want to pick up where we left off last week. Last week we looked at the big picture of God’s blessing of marriage and pointed out that marriage was a hold over from the Pre-Fall world. It was a piece of the Garden that we were able to keep.

Today I want to explore what the Fall in the Garden did to Marriage and the tools that Heaven has given us to make our Marriages complete again.




Genesis 2: 18
18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone ; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

IN this verse we see two very important terms that describe the Woman that God will create for Adam.

The first term is Helper. God will create a helper for Adam. This term can be more accurately translated as PARTNER

This comes form the Hebrew Word EZER
This term Ezer does not connotate business partners, co-pilot vs. pilot relationship or even master over slave.
It specifically means that the other individual is critical for the success of the job to be done.

In other words Adam’s task of keeping the Garden and reflecting God’s image would be impossible without Eve.

The other term in verse 18 is ‘Suitable’ that is used to describe Eve.
This comes from the Hebrew term KENEGDO
This term literally means – fit to, shaped to fit, suited to.

In other words she completed Adam. When the man and woman came together in the marital bond the perfectly complete each other.
Maybe Rocky Balboa had some wisdom when he said of Adrian his wife:
Rocky II: “I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps. Together, we fill gaps

This is a beautiful picture of perfection that was destroyed when Adam and Eve sinned. In chapter 3 of Genesis we see the fall from Grace.
This fall happened because the Adam and Eve wanted autonomy. They wanted to be LIKE GOD without GOD. They wanted to go it alone and live as their own gods. When this happened we see that there is conflict between Adam and Eve immediately. We see Adam blaming Eve for their predicament and it escalates until we see Cain murder his brother Abel. Man is split from God and because of that selfishness reigns supreme.

That filters into our family relationships – most of the problems that we have today is because of Selfishness.

We are only concerned with ourselves man times and we take out all of our frustrations and insecurities on the people that we love the most. This is a problem that goes right back to the beginning.

Before the Fall – We could fully Trust one another and then Truly Love one another

After the Fall - Fear drives us to Use- we Use people for our purposes- We cant trust so we use people, I will get mine before they get me.

Loving us God loves – Trust, Gift, What is best for the other.
Loving us the world tells us to love- Use, take, what is best for me.

As God tells us in Genesis 2:18, – we are perfect for each other, we complete one another but sin separates, sin drives us to selfishness, autonomy and life without God. That ripple effect of sin destroys all of our human relationships and only God’s word can instruct us on how to repair these issues.
God does have a scriptural model for how we should treat one another.
I. First of all, The vehicle that God would choose to use to bring Man back into his family – The Church – and the human family are tied intimately together.
The Bible begins with a family in the Garden and the Bible ends with Christ as the Groom and the Church as His Bride in Revelation 21-22.
Jesus’ first revealing of His glory is found in John 2 at the marriage at Cana of Galilee. Jesus chooses to bless that Marriage with His first miracle.
The most read and quoted passage concerning marriage is found in Ephesians 5: 22-33.
I want to read those 12 verses to you this morning. Notice the analogy and mystery as the Church is compared to Marriage.

Ephesians 5: 22-33
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing ; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself ; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great ; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

One could preach a multitude of sermons from this passage but this morning I want to get quickly to some practical advice God gives us concerning marriage.

It all focuses on verse 33- Husbands love your wives, and wives respect your husband.

That is how we repair what the Fall has driven a wedge through. Love and Respect

I. Men LOVE YOUR WIVES
Scripture tells us what millions of dollars in research have found and that is women need love. They need to know that they are loved.
Paul makes it clear that the same type of self sacrificial love that Jesus had is what is required of us for our wives.

1) Cannot be Harsh in our treatment of our wives.

Proverbs 12: 18- Thoughtless words cut like a sword

Harsh words and thoughtless actions destroy the person that God created for men to love and to cherish.

A woman wilts when she is talked to harshly, they are not programmed for that and don’t know how to respond.

In the story of Nabal and Abigail the Bible describes Nabal in this negative light. In I SAMUEL 25: 3 we learn that Nabal was cruel, unloving and in the original language of that passage –heartless toward others.

That is the opposite of what God wants from Men of God. Harsh words have not place in the life of a Christian let alone for our wives.
2) We have to be tough in our love.
Sometimes it is not easy to show love to a wife that may criticize us or act ugly to us.

God doesn’t allow for excuses. We can’t turn to God and say, Well she was mean to me, so I cant show her love.

Jesus had specific words for us when it comes to loving the unlovable.

Luke 6: 32-33
32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 "If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

Love is not wimpy but takes a real man to pull if off. The easy thing to do is to quit and not try. It is easy to just give into the selfishness of flesh and just let your wives have it and talk harshly to them. Paul doesn’t let us get off that easy.

I Corinthians 16: 13-14
13 Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.

How does Paul propose that we act like men?
Let all we do be done in love.

When it gets tough, we have no choice but to respond to our lives in love. We don’t have any wiggle room.

To have good marriages, we as men must show love to our wives. They have to know that we love them.


We see this need for love in the story of Jacob and Rachel in the OT. Jacob loved Rachel dearly and worked seven years for her father Laban to be able to marry her. Laban tricked Jacob and Jacob married Rachel’s sister Leah. Jacob had to work 7 more years to be able to marry Rachel.
Leah felt unloved and God saw her affliction and blessed her with children.

Genesis 29: 32 says it all,
32 Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben, for she said, "Because the LORD has seen my affliction ; surely now my husband will love me."

Leah wanted to be loved by her husband. That is all any wife wants from her husband and that is to be loved and cherished.


II. Now we turn to Paul’s advice for the wife.
Women are to respect their husband.

A poll was done recently in which men were asked if they would rather their wives love them or respect them and 81.5 percent of men said that they would rather get respect from the their wives.

Men are hard wired by God in this way. I don’t think men ever wonder much if their wife loves them but many men desire that their wife respect them.

Men are the type that will go into a battle and fight a war many times not thinking to much about it.

On 9/11 we watched courageous police officers and fireman run into a building that was about to collapse as others were running away from those buildings as fast as they could.

What causes this type of behavior?

I believe it is something that God puts into us. It is programmed into to men to want to protect and fight for what they believe in.

Nehemiah knew how men are hardwired when he exhorted those rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem,

Nehemiah 4: 14
14 When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people : "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses."

This exhortation means a lot to men. To fight for others is a natural urge for men.

We see the motto in athletic commercials “Protect this House” and understand that sports teams get really fired up about protecting their home turf.

Men want to receive respect from their wives. It is the engine that stokes them and gives them feelings of being really what God created them to be.

1 Peter 3: 1-2
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

This method of conduct is so effective that it can be used by a wife to convert a non-believing husband to the faith. Respect for her husband brings out the best of what he is and what he was wired to be.
This craving for respect is best illustrated in the story of David and his wife Michael.

2 Samuel 6: 16-23
16 Then it happened as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David that Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD ; and she despised him in her heart. 17 So they brought in the ark of the LORD and set it in its place inside the tent which David had pitched for it; and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD. 18 When David had finished offering the burnt offering and the peace offering, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD of hosts. 19 Further, he distributed to all the people, to all the multitude of Israel, both to men and women, a cake of bread and one of dates and one of raisins to each one. Then all the people departed each to his house. 20 But when David returned to bless his household, Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, "How the king of Israel distinguished himself today ! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants' maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!" 21 So David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel ; therefore I will celebrate before the LORD. 22 "I will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes, but with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished." 23 Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.

Michal did not like what she saw in David dancing before the maids of Israel. You see in David that all he wants is respect from his wife. She had totally misunderstood his motives for what he had done. He reminded her that he would be held in esteem by the maids of Israel even if she didn’t. We also see that Michal is cursed because of her attitude toward David.
III. Breaking the Viscous Cycle.


We see how this can become a cycle. A man speaks harshly to his wife, she feels like she is not loved, she lashes out at him at a disrespectful manner and in turn he treats her even more harshly.

This continues until you look back and you think, How did we get here?

How did the love of my youth become so hostile to me?

Satan is very crafty and uses our own ego and selfishness against us.

It has been this way since the Garden of Eden and the Bible gives us the answer to restore our families.

We have to stop the Cycle. We have to be willing to be the first one to do what is right, no matter what our mate decides.

We have to be willing, husbands to love even when it is tough.

Wives to show respect even when you think he isn’t worthy of it.
We may be shocked what our mates will become. They may just transform into the person you have always wanted them to be.

God has created us for each other in our marriages and will bestow his grace and help in our marriages if we just open the door and do things like he tells us to do them.

To truly have a great marriage one must first become Christ like.