Fathers - God's Call and Our Responsibility

I want to wish yall a happy Father’s Day.  Many of our Fathers today are very tired and feel overworked.  Maybe a little pulled in 9 different directions.

One man felt so bad that he went to the doctor.  He knew he was tired but he just felt awful.

You, " said the doctor to his patient, "are in terrible shape you’ve got to do something about it.

First, tell your wife to cook more nutritious meals.

Stop working like a dog. Also inform your wife you’re going to make a budget , and she has to stick to it.

And have her keep the kids off your back so you can relax.

Unless there are some changes in your life, you’ll probably be dead in a month."

"Doc", the patient said, "this would sound more official coming from you.

Could you please call my wife and give her those instructions?’ When the fellow got home, his wife rushed to him.

 "I talked to the doctor" she wailed, "poor man, you only have 30 days to live".

Some of the men in this room can identify with this poor fellow.

I will say this morning that many men felt worn out or like the world is pressing on top of them.

I think it is super important that the Church do a better job of training our young men and instructing our men in what is our Christian duty as fathers.

I would dare say that many men don’t realize how much the Bible talks about being a responsible parent and especially father before the Lord.

This is a subject that I am very passionate about.  In my work as a teacher and coach I run into many young men that have been hurt by a terrible father or the lack of a father at home.

Many times when a child misbehaves or falls into trouble with Law enforcement we find out that the root cause is the lack of a strong father in the home.

Many boys that I coach crave discipline and direction in their lives.

Today I want to go right to the source – the Bible.

I am not interested in psycho babel and what Oprah may say.  I want to show you the radical picture the Bible paints of a true Father in the Lord.

Then I want t challenge all of the fathers today to make a decision – to either lead in this way or endeavor to do better.

I)                   What is most important to you as a father?

Is it the salvation of your children? Do you care if they spend eternity in Heaven?

If the answer to that question is yes, then the sermon will make sense to you and you will be like me in that I want to be challenged.

If the answer to that question is no- you don’t care about your child’s soul or you don’t really know then I am about to waste the next 20 minutes of your life because this will not matter to you what I am about to say.

This is serious business that I am talking about this morning. 

This to me is the MOST pressing crisis facing the Churches of Christ today – lack of clear male leadership in the home.

I could read to you a bunch of statistics but that is really not the point – we all know deep in our bones that things have changed in the last generation with a loyalty to the local church.

I read a passage this last week that just hit me in the gut.  It is one of those that I have read before but the impact of this statement by Christ did not stick with me like it did this time.

It is as if I felt convicted – this is important stuff and I as a minister have not taken it very serious – I have neglected this in my preaching and personal life.

Matthew 18: 1-6 1At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven ?" 2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3 and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.4"Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5"And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?

Who did Jesus trot out front and say this is the greatest -  Child

You must become like children when you are converted to Christ – children who are humble and don’t hold grudges and love so much.

But listen – If you treat a child well- receives Christ – treatment of our children is connected with being in communion with Christ.

But listen to Jesus warning to us as any adult – whoever causes a little one to stumble it would be better for you to be drowned in the sea. 

The sea and drowning to a Jew was the ultimate – they hated deep dark water – this was an ultimate fear to be thrown into the watery abyss.

But listen to Jesus words – if we cause the little ones to stumble we are going to fall under the judgment of God.

So what we are talking about today is serious stuff.

So what does this have to do with fatherhood.

It seems like this passage is just talking about what not to do – don t make them stumble.

But in a minute we are going to take this passage and apply it to what it means to be a father. 

II)                Next, I want to share with you some positive points – and these are about God’s promises.

I believe that when God makes a promise He keeps it.  ON Sunday evenings we have talked a good bit about God’s covenant promises – How God is faithful even when Israel was faithless.

Now today we have promises made by God about our children.

Now many of these are found in the Old Testament but the shocking thing is that some of these promises are repeated in the New Testament.

God makes generational promises to us.

It basically revolves around- if we are faithful in our rearing of children – our children will grow up and be faithful to God.

Psalm 103: 17-18

17 But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children's children, 18 To those who keep His covenant And remember His precepts to do them.

The Psalmist tells us that God righteousness extends to the children’s children – and when does this happen – when we keep his covenant and keep his law

If we do what God teaches and raise our kids immersed in that type of life – you cannot go wrong in raising your children.

You may think this is just and Old Testament promise but it is also found in the New Testament.

Mary the mother of the Lord  quotes this passage in Luke 1: 48-50

But another question may come to mind, do you think that God cared about the generations of his children in the OT but then stopped caring about the future generations of offspring in the NT.

That really doesn’t make sense.

God made promises to Abraham – this promise of worldwide blessing –

One day the land promise made to Abraham would be expanded to include the entire world.

How would this happen? Would we have to be fleshly decendents of Abraham to get this promise?

Romans 4: 13

13 For the promise to Abraham or to his descendants that he would be heir of the world was not through the Law, but through the righteousness of faith.
 

The decendants that this promise would come to are the ones that are born of faith.

It is talking about us. – those of us that are now children of Abraham by faith.

God wants to bless you and your children if you are in covenant with Him. There is a passage from Acts  2 that we tend to run over fast and stop to look at.

Acts 2: 37-39 37Now when they heard this, they were pierced to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, "Brethren , what shall we do ?" 38Peter said to them, "Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins ; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 "For the promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off, as many as the Lord our God will call to Himself."

We know these verses well but we sometimes fail to stop and consider what Peter is saying at the end.

The Promise – this promise of salvation – is for you – adults and your children.

God does care about our children in the New Covenant – God wants us to raise faithful children that are part of his covenant.

He wants to raise children that are Christian children – Children that will one day become full fledged Christian adults.

But we make the mistake of raising our children as spiritually neutral – we forget that they have a soul.

There spiritual life is just as important when they are little bitty as it is at any time.

And God makes promises to us – to remain in covenant with Him – We do live under a covenant – the New Covenant and to raise our kids to be faithful and God will somehow do His part.

That is a promise that God wants to bless the generations that are faithful to Him.

He didn’t rescend that promise just because it was in Leviticus- Everlasting means everlasting whether it is in the OT or NT.

1)    So if you see that our child’s soul is important to God

2)    And God makes promises to us if we raise our kids in the Lord

We should find great comfort in that and now turn to Scripture and ask the question – How do I raise faithful kids as  a father?

EARLIER – we saw one thing that we should not do and that is make our children stumble.

So if this is what we should not do as father s- to make our children stumble – what should we be doing?

This takes me to my next point.

In Ephesians 6 Paul is giving instruction on what an orderly Christian society should look like.

He gives this specific poignant statement to fathers.

Ephesians 6: 4

4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

On face value this passage doesn’t sound like much or too tough on dads.

How do we hear it with 21^st century ears – hey I need to make my kids behave and bring them to Sunday school once per week and I am free and clear.

That would be a big mistake to hear this passage in this lightweight fashion because it goes much deeper.

First of all let’s look at it in its first century setting and then pull out some modern day applications.

In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes.

Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant “the father’s power.”

Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families.

By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal possessions and he could do with them what he wished.

A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished.

When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet.

 If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home.

If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.

 Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown.”

Friends, things are not much better today, are they?

Millions of unwanted babies are aborted each year. Children have become a disposable commodity in our society, just as they were in ancient Rome.

The Bible calls Christian fathers to a different standard.

 Just as it was revolutionary for dads to lovingly lead their kids in the first century, faithful fathers today who do not exasperate their kids are counter-cultural.

Our kids are not property to own but image bearers of God who need to be managed and trained.

Dads, we are called to provide a proper nurturing environment where our kids can grow up to love and serve Christ.

Our primary responsibilities by which our fathering will be judged are set forth in Ephesians 6:4.

I want you to notice the very first word of this verse: “Fathers.” I think Paul addresses just dads here because he knows that we especially need to hear this.

Most of us dads are sloppy in our fathering, not giving much thought to what we’re called to do.

This verse brings us up short by calling us to some pretty high standards.

In essence, Paul is challenging us to see the word “fathers” as a verb not just a noun.

It’s biologically easy to become a father, but biblically challenging to actually “father” our children.

 The Bible very clearly challenges dads to become the point men in their homes because the ultimate responsibility for what a family becomes is the father’s.

 In this passage, we’re given 4 “Dad Duties.” One duty is something we should not do; the other three are what we are to do.

1 ­ Avoid Exasperation

The first duty is negative ­ we are told to “not exasperate our children.”

This is a caution or warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through careless provocations.

 I think Paul started with a negative command because he knows that fathers, who are fallen creatures, are prone to abuse their authority in the home.

The Greek word translated “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.”

The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous.

 This warning is calling us dads to avoid anything that will eventually break the sprit of our children.

 Paul puts it this way in Colossians

3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

When we exasperate our kids, they can become bitter and bummed out.

While there are times when kids become sinfully angry due to their own selfishness or immaturity, there are other times when dads are guilty of aggravating their kids.

 We can do that by deliberately goading them, by callously neglecting them or by any number of other intentional or careless means that exasperate them.

When that happens, it is we dads who are sinning ­ and provoking our children to sin as well.

Remember that our children are commanded by God to honor us.

When we provoke them to wrath, we are causing them to sin against the Fifth Commandment.

 In such cases we are guilty before God for disobeying Ephesians 6:4 and also doubly guilty for causing our children to stumble.

Ways that we can provoke our children to wrath.

1)   Be too lax in your parenting – give them everything they want and they will not respect you at all.

They need parameters and they should not get everything they want. 

We can spoil them and not provide a structured environment

Think of Eli and his sons Hophni and Phineas

Eli knew they were practicing evil and he did nothing – it lead to Hophni and Phineas getting worse and having no respect to God’s Tabernacle and sacrifices. 

Being lax and spoiling kids leads to resentment and wrath.

2)   We play favorites- the Bible is full of examples like this – think of Isaac and Esau and Jacob

And Jacob doesn’t learn his lesson and plays favorites with Joseph- this leads to disastrous results – Joseph’s brothers want to kill him.

Favorites leads to resentment and wrath in a child.

3)   Being too hard on a kid and giving them unrealistic goals and expectations can also lead to frustration.

We cant tear down a kid so much that they just give up.

They are a gift from God and if we destroy them and their spirit we will be held accountable.

Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement.

 1 Thessalonians 2:11 shows us Paul’s fatherly concern for the church: “We exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.”

Look at what Paul says here:

1)   Exhorted – gave positive instruction

2)   Comfort – kids need to be comforted at times

3)    And charged – in other words gave them commands not to be disobeyed.

Those three words should give us some insight into how this should look.

Fathers, while it’s true that we’re called to exhort and charge our children, we’re also to comfort them.

We need to nurture and love them – you may think this contradicts the idea of discipline but those in  our midst that have found the proper balance can provide insight.

I have found that a proper mix of love and discipline can lead a child to greater and greater love for their parents.

They will grow to where they hate to disappoint their parents and will obey from the heart.

That is what we are aiming for – to raise kids where they see the world as God does and want to obey from the heart.

As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, we are not to provoke our children to anger or they will become discouraged.

Dads, let’s cut down on criticism and sarcasm in the home.

 Let’s look for ways to celebrate and applaud.

Let’s give our approval spontaneously so our kids don’t have to earn it ­ or look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Let’s catch our kids doing things right instead of lashing out at them for what they do wrong.

Here’s a simple rule of thumb: For every time you have to point out something that your kids do wrong, try to equalize it with a word of encouragement.

Haim Ginott wrote this: “A child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism he does not learn responsibility. He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others. He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust others. And above all, he learns to live with the continual expectation of impending doom.”

4)   Neglect.

Another way to exasperate your children is by neglecting them.

 When we fail to show affection and act indifferently toward our kids, we can cause them to burn with anger.

 We can neglect our kids by never being home; or we can do it by being home but not involved in their lives.

Now we turn to the Positives what we MUST Do as Fathers:

2 ­ Provide Nurture

The word “instead” shows a contrast between what we should not do and what we are to do.

Here’s the first thing we are called to do: provide nurture.

The NIV translates this verb as “bring them up.”

 This is the same phrase that is used in 5:29 referring to the husband’s role of “feeding and caring” for his wife.

  Men, we are called to nourish our wife and children by sharing love and encouragement in the Lord.

Notice also that we are to “bring them up.” We are to bring our children up because they will not get there by themselves.

Dads, we are to take an active role in shaping the character of our children. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

 John MacArthur puts it this way: “What ruins most children is not what their parents do to them, but what they do not do for them.”

What strikes me here is that as a dad I am called to not just raise three daughters; I’m called to raise three adults.

 I’m not just a daddy of daughters; I’m charged with providing a nurturing environment so that they grow up to become young women of God.

The phrase, “bring them up” also carries with it the idea of “tutoring” and “instructing”

The word instruction in the Greek is much more forceful than our English translations leave it.

This type of instruction would find its Old Testament example in Deuteronomy 6

Deuteronomy 6: 4-9

4 "Hear, O Israel ! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one ! 5 "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 " You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead . 9 "You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Listen to the type of instruction that God expects from parents.

1)    Teach them diligently – not math, physics, or reading – this is Bible truth –

2)    Talk about Scripture when you are in your house, walk by the way, and lie down and rise

Lets put that in everyday modern language – when you are sitting at home instead of watching TV, when you are enroute somewhere in the car, at night before they go to bed and when they get up in the morning.

That is how much God wants us to saturate the lives of our children with Scripture.

In Ephesians 6: 4 when it talks about fathers instructing their kids- this is the type or responsibility that you have.

You fathers are responsible for this type of instruction- it will fall at your feet if this doesn’t occur in your home.

If you cant be there in the morning set up something for your wife to read – many families use the proverbs in the mornings with their children before they go to school – many families read a proverb before the kids go to school and pray over their children.

Momma could do this if Dad has to leave too early.  But the Dad is still setting all this up.

When you are home in the evening you really need a set study to do with your kids.

Church once per week or twice per week is not enough to over turn what the world is doing to your kids.

Nature abhors a vacuum and I guarantee you they will hear things at school that will totally go against all that you believe- if you don’t think that you are very naïve.

There are more resources than ever for parents to use as a daily study for their children at night.

Before bed you could use this as a devotional or inspirational time – The Psalms are great resources in the evenings and the Church has used them for many generations now as night time devotionals.

That is a simple practical example – the Proverbs in the Morning, a study during the evening and a Psalm at night right before bed.

That would be a good start at training our children up in the Lord. 

This charge that God has given us as fathers is absolute warfare against the ways of the world and satan.

Remember that Satan wants to take your children – he wants to turn them against God.

You must start seeing life in these terms as a spiritual battle.

You need to make every decision for your family in light of raising your kids to be faithful.

Here are some decisions that you need to make:

1)    Are sports coming in the way of my child’s spiritual life – you need to find the right balance and put God first.

2)    Is the music and TV my kids are listening too not honoring to God and detrimental to their faith – they need to go.

3)    What type of friends do my children have – are they Christians?  If not they need new friends.

4)    Are we faithfully attending Lord’s Day worship with my family. Kids see through hypocrisy – if you don’t find it important to be in the Church worship on Sunday morning they will not either one day.

5)    Are you praying daily for your children’s spiritual life.

Steve Farrar, author of the book, Standing Tall, uses a strategic metaphor for a dad that is very helpful: “A godly father is the unseen spiritual submarine who lurks below the surface of every activity of his child’s life. A man who has put on the full armor of God and with that armor, goes to warfare on his knees for his children, is a force to be reckoned with…we cannot be with our children 24 hours a day…through our prayers we have the ability to affect situations even when we are not physically present. You may be undetected but that does not mean you are ineffective.”

Are we as fathers a spiritual force to reckoned with – does Satan know that your family is not up for grabs.

Are you fulfilling your mandate from God to raise faithful children.

That is the type of Father’s day that you want – a day when we can look upon a dad and see what God wants for a father. 

How strong would our churches be today if Dad’s took this serious.